Featured Interview With Zornitsa Maleva
Tell us a little about yourself. Where were you raised? Where do you live now?
I will start from the very beginning, from my childhood. The example I'm going to give is pretty dramatic and shocking, but it's real. It's part of my life. I will start by telling that I had an independent and carefree childhood in the village. Somewhere until my eighth year, nobody required much from me as a child, mainly to study my lessons. We are three children from the constellation point of view and I'm the middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister. I am grown up in a village with lots of love and care from my parents, as well as from my grandparents. But I have not realized this until recently, because I lived through the pain and trauma of my childhood as a result of my parents’ separation when I was two years old.
We were living, my mother, my sister and my grandparents in a house in the village. The pain of my mother from the divorce transferred to me and out of loyalty to her, I have chosen, with my child's understanding at that time, not to meet with my father and to be the "good child" in my mother's eyes. From the constellation point of view, I stopped being my mother's child, and I was trying to take on the place of my father by emotionally supporting her. However, it was an impossible task for me for I was just a little child. I grew up with a huge gap inside of me as the feeling of my missing father was getting stronger. At some point, I began to say that my father had died. Many of my relatives supported this lie, and I accepted it as normal, and I began to believe strongly in it. Not understanding that I do not have to choose between my parents, I lived with this perception until my 25th year.
I grew up, I became a student and got enrolled to study in Sofia. I did not like what I was studying, but my mother was so happy and so proud of me that I continued to study this with reluctance. I went on like this until the second year of my studies. Then, I moved from home and I rented an apartment. It was hard for me, but I felt free. I began to read the writings of Petar Danov. I came upon The Alchemic and decided that I wanted to run away from my mother, somewhere far away. I did not sit for my final examinations just to "punish" her. At least that was what I thought at that moment. Then I moved to study in UK Events Management and that was what I wanted to do.
When I was leaving, my mother said I did not have mother anymore until I take my final examinations. I answered "Okay" and I left. I was thinking, "I'll show her how it is done. I know it".
I graduated. I was alone on my graduation in UK and I was very sad because I achieved so much, and there was no one to see it. My grandfather was very happy for me.
The saddest part was that I could not build a good and complete relationship with a man. This was due to the strong fear and pain of not being hurt and abandoned. That's why I always hurt first and I ran away. I always ran and hurt first.
I met my current husband and again the same scenario. But this time, the man beside me was really there and loved me. I was afraid of the moment that any of my relatives could tell him that my father was alive, the lie was between us. I found out that I needed help and then I started therapy.
I was filled with a lot of anger directed to my father, but I did not know how to express it and I projected this anger in my relationships. I remember that I did not trust men and I punished them because I missed my father. It was hard for me to have a normal and real relationship. I preferred to build walls around myself so that no one could hurt me. With time, seeing other couples who shared intimacy, trust and love, I started telling myself that there was obviously another way of communication and that I had to find out how that was working. Then my path to personal growth began. I bought most of the self-help books I managed to find in the bookshop at that time. But these books gave no explanation of the importance of the mother and father in our lives. I went to see a psychologist, but that did not help. Then the pain remained. I concentrated on work and my studies, and time passed on. Until the day, when by accident or not, I found myself at a personal growth seminar that discussed the importance of the parents. It was my first introduction to constellations. After the first session, the therapist told me I should go and meet with my father, otherwise she could not work with me, and I had to look for another therapist if I wanted to. She gave me a one-week deadline to do that. Before I went, we worked on my anger and I visited a constellation seminar. SHE GAVE ME ONE WEEK TO DO IT.
From this day on, my life was not the same. Everything has changed after my meeting with my father. My homework, after the seminar, was to go and visit my father after more than 20 years. The last time I had seen him was when I was a child, and now I had to go there.
Before I went, I wrote the "Letter of Anger", in which I poured down on paper all the pain and anger I kept towards him. Then, I wrote the "Good Letter", which also concerned the secret that I was saying that he had died. I had to give this letter to him personally when I visited him. These two letters are an ancient Tibetan method for healing the pain – natural and simple method to reconcile the level of the souls from children to parents, from woman to man, etc. This is so simple and so effective. Feeling the power of the method, I realized how long I had lived in emptiness, and now I was whole and complete. I felt free and loved by my parents.
I remember the moment I rang the bell on my father's door. There was so much emotions and thoughts rambling in my head. "Well, if he does not open the door, if he tells me he does not want to see me …" The child's fear deep in me projected different outcomes without it being my reality.
The door slightly opened… My father looked at me and cried out with joy that he was seeing me.
He embraced me. I had been waiting this embrace for so long. I felt strength, warmth, love and protection from my dad.
(And in my mind, he did not love me and did not want me – this was the fantasy of the inner hurt child). He told me about my grandparents. I learnt that my great-grandfather was a doctor’s assistant, a very respected and loved person in the city. I saw my baby picture on the cupboard…
My dad said, "I've been waiting for you each day, my child, and I love you very much". I returned from that meeting another person. I just have realized how much I missed him and how I searched for him in all the men around me. My husband also noticed the change – as if I were another woman.
I got angry at my mother and I blamed her in my heart. The therapist I was working with told me about the constellations and she offered me to attend the sessions of such group. She explained to me that the result will be much better and her work finished here.
So this is how my journey with my constellations began and my development as a facilitator and coach.
At the moment I live in London , Uk, I dont have any pets.
At what age did you realize your fascination with books? When did you start writing?
At age of 5 I realize that I love reading. I did start writing 5 years ago , but in 2019 Parental Blessing was published in Bulgaria, sold more then 5000 copy's.
I am grateful to God, myself and my parents for choosing this path – to help people with my self-help book Parental blessing, for I confidently walked through my emotional desert, realizing that the path is through LOVE. And here I am now, in front of you, I share all this with my heart open because I want the best for you, my readers –
Tomorrow may be too late. Change begins with you, today – here and now. The techniques provided in this book will change your life today.
My mission, through the constellations and self-healing techniques, is to see you satisfied, happy and open to the channel of love, harmonious and loving relationships filled with abundance in life.
Who are your favorite authors to read? What is your favorite genre to read. Who Inspires you in your writings?
I really like Paulo Coelho and his book Anthemics, Tony Robbins, I also like children's stories, A book I can read over and over again is 11 minutes by Coelio
Tell us a little about your latest book?
My dear readers,
I write this book for you to share my experience as a family constellation facilitator and to help as much as I can to make your life better each day. As reading my story and my experience with constellations you will understand why my mission became helping people through family constellations.
Here you will find out how to solve your problems related to relationships, whether personal or professional, and I truly believe that after reading this book you will be the best version of yourself, you will receive deeper insight about many aspects of your life. This system will change your life – here and now. I have the feeling that you are really interested in how to improve your life in all aspects and you need a little bit of guidance to do this – here and now. That is why I share my knowledge with you, because I want the best for you as my readers.
What will you learn from this book?
This book will change your life from good to your happy reality – here and now … After reading this book, you will live in the vibration of love, you will easily attract love in your current relationships (marriage, partner’s relationship). This book is dedicated to healing and improving relationships through constellations. Constellations are a method of healing the whole family system and returning the negative patterns of behaviour, way of life, and beliefs to the person to whom they belong in the family thus releasing us completely from them
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