This story focuses on a woman who has come of age and begun to realize the fears she’s carried through her childhood from growing up in a family battling alcoholism. They have impacted her severely when forming relationships. Abandonment, devaluing, fear of everything good ending—all are why Nicky Young has been happy to stand back in the shadows, watching and observing and stepping out only when safe. That is until Ryan Tilton, a professional baseball player who also has his own issues of abandonment, promises her a relationship that could be like no other.
My heart is on fire. For the first time in my life I am awake and the desires I’ve pushed down are smoldering. The shadows of my youth are daring me to step away from them, and new versions are circling through my head that include having intimacy in a way I never dreamed of.
This is my coming of age story and family saga. I have begun to understand if I want to live differently, losing old fears from growing up in a family battling alcoholism, an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother–I need to love, forgive, trust and live with an open heart. As I look in the mirror I am seeing a new woman emerging–one I’m not sure of, and trying hard to discover.
Through family dysfunction and by the lack of affection in my household, I learned not to get too close. Rage and violence lurked when we became vulnerable. The way I learned to protect myself was to build high and thick walls of defense around my heart. But I can’t trust anyone enough, especially myself.
This is my battle: A fight to break generational chains of dysfunction and addiction, to understand the choices of my parents, to live differently, and a fight to really love and trust myself so that I can love and trust another.
I invite you to follow me on my journey and struggle I’m desperate to overcome.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR – PAMELA TAEUFFER
My passion is writing books that tell a story of family, trauma, and the challenges of life through love. My characters struggle to leave old fears behind them as they learn to embrace intimacy and transition into the greatest joys possible in their lives.
My first series, Broken Bottles, details those fears of growing up in a family battling alcoholism. Along with the struggle and pain of a parent’s rage, there is intelligence, strength and survival. How to love intimately in all relationships is the heroine’s challenge. For children of trauma, it can take years to let another person come close. When they do? It’s like a rainbow covers their heart.
My characters learn that in becoming vulnerable, they’re able to reach for deep and sensual intimacy. They struggle and risk everything to trust others—and themselves. It’s about daring to take the baby steps necessary that let them really come alive and in every way, experience and give love.
MAKING MONEY TO CREATE: the small, vacation rental/prop. Mgmt. Company I run with my husband and son in Sonoma County, California allows me to have the money for my creative life. I love that I was born and raised in San Francisco. My father introduced me to baseball when I was six. I’ve run a cable car bell, driven a streetcar through the twin peaks tunnel and went to concerts in Golden Gate Park with my sister in the 60’s and 70’s, seeing Jimmy Hendrix. Jefferson Airplane and the classic bands of that era.
WHAT I’VE DONE/AM DOING – IT’S A JOURNEY OF DREAMS
Broken Bottles is a four part series. Two books, Shadow Heart and Fire Heart, are ready. Soon to follow in April/May 2016 are Jagged Heart and Amazing Heart. I’m honored to have 3 poems in an anthology called, The Beats Go On, and a story in Sisters Born, Sisters Found. I have released to first book in a series for Introverts called, The Introverts Guide to the Galaxy: Attending conferences.
My dream? To create beautifully decorated and custom journals with gorgeous paper that accompany each book series: The Introvert’s journal, A Family Saga journal, My Body’s OK journal and Trauma: You Can’t Stop Me.
Journaling has been a lifesaver for me. I was in shock during my life. You may be in shock. Don’t let that keep your heart frozen!